Rethinking Networking: Why Traditional Leads Groups Miss the Mark

Most people misunderstand networking as a transactional exchange, when in reality, it’s about building relationships rooted in trust, generosity, and connection. This article explains why traditional one-person-per-industry leads groups often fall short—and how inclusive, relationship-first models are far more effective.

Most people misunderstand the true power of networking. They enter a room, pass out a few business cards, give their elevator pitch, and walk away believing they’ve networked. Others join referral groups thinking that simply showing up each week and sharing their service offerings will flood their inbox with leads. But genuine networking—the kind that creates long-term business growth—is about far more than visibility or transactional exchanges. It’s about building deep, reciprocal relationships rooted in trust and service.

At the heart of effective networking is the concept of leverage—not of time or money, but of networks. Too many professionals reduce networking to a one-to-one interaction: "I met John, he's a graphic designer, maybe I’ll use him." But true networkers know that the real value lies in one-to-many: "John is a graphic designer who specializes in branding for startups. I know at least three founders who could use his expertise."

Networking is a skill of listening, not just pitching. The most successful connectors are those who listen to understand a person’s identity, their story, their ideal client, and how they fit into the ecosystem of business. They ask questions that uncover not just what someone does, but who they are, who they help, and why they do what they do. Armed with this insight, they become a bridge—connecting the right people with the right opportunities, often with no immediate gain for themselves.

This is where traditional leads groups like BNI or Chamber-sponsored networking circles often fall short. While they do a service by formalizing networking efforts and creating a system of accountability, they often adopt a rigid, transactional model that can stifle the deeper connections that drive actual referrals. Limiting participation to one person per industry might seem logical—ensuring exclusivity and reducing internal competition—but this model ignores a core truth of business: we do business with people we know, like, and trust.

Let’s unpack that. Just because someone is the only mortgage broker in the room doesn’t mean they’ll earn referrals. If their style is abrasive, if they show up inconsistently, or if their values don’t align with those of the group, the exclusivity doesn’t matter. Relationships matter. Trust matters. Chemistry matters. And when those ingredients are missing, referrals simply don’t happen—regardless of how many times they’ve delivered their 60-second pitch.

Conversely, consider a leads group that allows multiple participants from the same industry. At first glance, it might seem chaotic or even competitive. But in a well-run environment where the emphasis is on relationship-building and mutual support, this diversity actually creates strength. Each professional brings a different personality, niche, and value proposition. Maybe one accountant specializes in solopreneurs while another focuses on tech startups. Maybe one realtor thrives with first-time homebuyers and another with luxury listings. The group learns who to refer based on fit, not default. This dynamic fosters real connection, trust, and a deeper sense of collaboration.

In such a group, members begin to advocate for one another not just based on category, but on experience. You refer the person you’ve seen go above and beyond. The one who followed up quickly, solved a complex client issue, or made you feel heard and supported. You don’t refer based on a directory listing—you refer based on impact.

This model also allows for greater resilience. If one group member is temporarily unavailable or not the right fit for a specific lead, the referral doesn’t die. Someone else in the same industry might be better suited. The group becomes less vulnerable to the limitations of any single member and more agile in its ability to serve a broad range of needs.

As a marketer and connector who has built multiple thriving networks, I’ve seen firsthand how much more powerful the inclusive model can be. The most successful groups I’ve participated in or led share a few common traits. First, they prioritize relationships over rules. Yes, structure is important—meeting cadences, onboarding, and clear expectations help—but they never overshadow the human element. Second, they create space for storytelling. When you know someone’s "why," you remember them more vividly and advocate for them more naturally. Third, they cultivate a culture of generosity. Members show up not with a "what can I get?" mindset but with a "how can I help?" posture. That energy is contagious.

When these principles are in place, something magical happens. The group becomes more than a leads engine. It becomes a support system, an advisory council, a mastermind. Members push each other to grow. They share insights, warn of pitfalls, celebrate wins. They collaborate on projects. They co-host events. They send leads not just because they’re required to—but because they want to.

That’s the power of real networking. It’s not confined to category protection. It’s not about just being present. It’s about being intentional. It’s about listening to understand rather than waiting for your turn to speak. And most importantly, it’s about treating every interaction as an opportunity to serve, not just sell.

So if you’re part of a leads group that feels stale or transactional, ask yourself: do we know each other’s stories? Do we understand each other’s ideal clients? Have we built trust, not just familiarity? If not, it might be time to shake up the format—or seek out a group that prioritizes connection over control.

And if you’re looking to create or join a new kind of leads group—one that allows multiple voices from the same industry and encourages real relationships—there’s never been a better time. The business world is shifting. Clients are demanding more personalization, more trust, and more humanity. Your network can either reflect that—or get left behind.

True networking is not about adding names to a contact list. It’s about cultivating relationships that open doors, solve problems, and create opportunities—not just for you, but for everyone connected to you. When done well, your network becomes your greatest asset, and the ripple effects of your generosity and intentionality extend far beyond any single meeting or referral.

If you’ve ever walked into a leads group and thought, "This isn’t working," you’re not alone. But don’t give up on networking. Instead, level up your approach. Listen more. Ask better questions. Focus on building trust and giving value first. Because in the long run, the most connected person in the room isn’t the one who talks the most—it’s the one who helps the most.

That’s the kind of networking that lasts. And that’s the kind of network worth building.